Fifty Shades of …

I picked up the trilogy from the library and figured I’d see what was upsetting people, libraries, etc. It looked like a good premise for a story. Pretty young thing falls for rich playboy with kinky sexual habits. Sounds just right.

Sigh… I am disappointed. If you haven’t read it and want to, stop reading right now because what I write next will classify as a spoiler.

Okay, The book. I got about 100 pages into the first one and my brain went … “Wait a minute.” In the story, Ana Steele, virgin, college grad falls for Christian Grey, rich million-zillionaire playboy who is a control freak. In fact, he considers himself fifty shades of fucked up. He’s a Dominant, and wants Ana as his submissive. Okay, I can go with this premise. I read on, but something just doesn’t feel right. I keep reading. Okay, he’s a bully, controlling, sexually aggressive. Then it hits me. Grey seems more like a sub than a Dom. A Sammie.

I keep reading and share some of it with Wolf. He looks at me and asks…”Which one is the sub?” I explain. He walks away shaking his head. “Grey isn’t a Dom, he’s a sub acting out. He’s the one with the issues, and she’s Topping from the Bottom”, he says and walks away.

Hmmm…. I think. I keep reading. Oh boy… abused by a crack whore mom that died on him. Pimps abused him. Poor little abused boy ends up in the hands of a rich family that take him in and at 15 he starts a relationship with a Domme. She teaches him to be a sub…. supposedly to get over his issues, which doesn’t happen because Grey is still all fucked up. Sees a psych, etc. Wolf walks over and I explain that he was right about the “poor abused child” syndrome etc. that we’d talked about as a plot devise. He rolls his eyes.

In the book of course, rolling one’s eyes is a spankable offense. I finish up the first book and move onto the second, Fifty Shades Darker. We learn more about the terrible early life of Grey. His ex-Domme and present business partner is literally having a spitting cat fight with Ana over the fact that Ana is being cruel to her subbie, Grey. Gads. By now, Grey has ‘broken all his rules’ and will do anything Ana asks of him. More sub than thou…. Damn.

He’s rich, has everything at 27, and has issues that he hasn’t worked through, but feels that it’s okay, because he can control his world by being a Dominant except when Ana is around. Sigh… Sorry. It might be a better book if he didn’t have everything, had figured out his issues and then met Ana and managed to change from a controlling ass to a human being. Oh, and he’s jealous of everything that even sniffs in Ana’s direction and lets it rule his temper. Sorry, he has failed the Feces Coagulation Factor Test.

Overall, it isn’t a bad book, if you don’t understand BDSM, or the D/s or M/s lifestyle. It’s sort of like what the Craft was to Wicca and paganism. It will give all sorts of people all the wrong ideas about BDSM. Definitely not a How To guide.  It’s a cutsie book about a screwed up hero saved by a strong heroine. Then there’s the sex. The sex is… well… okay. I’ve read better in a 3 page story off of Literotica or in five paragraphs off half a dozen blogs. The story doesn’t survive my usual test either. If you take the sex out and it is still a good story, then it’s good. This story doesn’t pass.

I think that the author probably had a good premise. Certainly doesn’t seem though that there was enough homework done on the dynamics of BDSM, D/s or M/s. It will titillate the vanilla crowd. It will probably drive up the sales of toy handcuffs, whips, crops and baby lotion to soothe spanked skin. Oh and condoms. Grey’s responsible and almost always wears a condom. It will probably make a great movie and be a top seller. However, it isn’t really about BDSM. It’s about slightly Kinky vanilla sex and a screwed up man saved by the ‘right woman’.

Will I finish the trilogy? Yes. It’s kinda like a train wreck… Gotta see just how it ends.

20 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of …

Add yours

  1. i actually had a good laugh about this one and that was only with the experts given to me by nulli para ora. i was like OMG, i’m stephen king compared to her. i found the quality of writing very very poorly, some scenes i would not even touch if you want to go mainstream with it.
    seeing how wolf reacts to the BDSM lifestyle in it….
    if you write something at least understand it and do proper research about it.
    can’t understand they might consider turning this into a ovie…. poor actors signing up for this one.
    like you said you find better on LIT, dweaver 666 for one, he’s got a nice BDSM series on there, loved every part of it (he’s a Dom/sub himself)

    1. I agree. Do the research. Do the work. Hell, try out a few things. Wolf is peeved because he’s been through Dom training. He’s worked Safety at a BDSM club. He knows how it works. Even I researched BDSM on a multitude of levels before I wrote about it! Gads. It took me two weeks. Ah well… Some people will simply not do the work. sigh…

      I’ll check out dweaver 666. 🙂

      1. i have on my fave list on Lit, easy to find. if you need an order to read, check his bio or gimme a poke, i’ve read them all and think i still know more or less how they are. have to start from the beginning or half of it doesn’t make sense.

  2. I’m about 1/4 of the way through the 3rd book myself and I will probably finish it but like you just to see where it goes. Like mokkelke said I read much better erotica here and other places on the web. The story is choppy and in some cases jumps around and I’m left scratching my head wondering how did we get here from there.
    I have some very specific ideas of what a Dom/Dommes should be and the characters in these books certainly don’t fit the bill in any way shape or form. As a whole I do not see that these books do anything to shed a positive light on the Community.

  3. I have yet to subject myself to the full book but from the excerpts Mokkelke shared with me, my inner editor cringed. They were full of asinine metaphors and terrible descriptions. When I think that the story began its life as a Twilight fanfic, it makes oh so much more sense. It also makes me not want to read it lol I may one day just to see what the fuss is but, like you, will probably grab it from a library so I don’t reward the author for the poor showing.

      1. I think I pity her. She obviously doesn’t have enough creativity in her body to write a ‘new’ story. Sad. Very very sad. I look at all the bloggers who write new or serialized pieces all the time. I look at Lit writers. We can do it. Geeze.

    1. One of the big things that I didn’t put in the post was the fact that she was trying to write like an American and it came over as British. It made it fake and tacky along with all the rest of the bits that the editor and journalist in me wanted to scream about to the skies. Rice’s book series Sleeping Beauty were better!

      1. The “Briticisms” that were sprinkled throughout the book drove me nuts! No American would speak like that.

        Loved your review. I, too, finished all three books. I wish I had those 5 hours of my life back.

        1. I lived in England for over ten years. The UK English in the book was irritating to say the least. She could have at least checked her vocabulary. Most office programs let you select a language and grammar according to preference.

          Glad you liked my review. As for that five hour blot… scrub it out and read a good story. I’ve got a lot that deal with BDSM in a realistic manner. (Vanillaverse stories) I have this Dom who’d growl at me if I didn’t. 🙂

  4. well we can prob get a few giggles out of this, not fair in some way, but if people can’t truly be creative …. as i said to Maz before, it’ sone thing basing a FF on something, but like this? it’s kinda asking for it, period.
    i’m not a “real” writer, it’s a hobby for me, i’m learning every day with every chapter i finish. but the few experts i did read made me cringe Maz-style, and she’s the real word nazi LOL

    1. LOL! Agreed. I’ve written for money. I’d like to some day see a book in print. In the meantime, I will write and read and improve. It’s all we can do. As for us,… you, Mazuri and me… we are real writers, because we do the work. We learn, adjust and share. I can’t remember who said it, but the jist was that good writers Read! Read! Read! and then Write! Write! Write! And some poor bastards get published.

        1. 16 is in the works. It should be up in a day or two. I put the unlinked numbers up there to remind me of how much more I think I have and to spur me to write. 🙂 What do you think of Buster’s story so far?

            1. Thank you. This is one story I’ve done a lot of research on so that it’s ‘right’. Wolf is French Canadian/Metis, even though he grew up in Montana. I’ve surprised even him a few times with some of the details I’ve dug up. I concentrated on one ‘section’ of WWI and a different one in WWII. Otherwise the story would take years to write.

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