A little questionaire

Aisha on her blog, ran a series of questions about being a submissive. There were 30 of them. You can find the beginning of that thread here.  There were some good discussions and at one point it was mentioned that maybe questions for Doms would be interesting. From there, Ms. Constance took the idea and came up with 19 questions. She posted them here, and her answers can be found on her blog. Aisha’s Sir has answered some of the questions on her blog. I mentioned the questions to Wolf, and he’s given his answers. I thought about metering them out and decided to post time all at once.

Wolf’s answers to the questions:

1.      What is the single quality a dominant most needs to possess?

Patience and integrity are both excellent answers, but both of these has
a prerequisite concept.  This is an understanding of the immutability of
cause and effect.  Armed with this, both patience and integrity become
self evident.

2.      What is the single quality that is the most detrimental for a

Lack of self control.  When exercising dominance over a situation, group
or individual, expecting the universe to bend to your will when you are
unable to control yourself, your thoughts and your emotions will simply
not work.

3.      Looking back, what are the first dominant tendencies you can
recognize in yourself?

I have always tried to figure out situations, people, and my
environment.  My goal was never to dominate the world, but rather
comprehend and guide to the most positive outcome.

4.      How old were you when you had your first conscious dominant
experience, the first time you recognized what you were doing?

I was 14 and in a relationship with a girl who was most comfortable
being in the submissive role.  At one point to meet the situational
needs,  I gave her a clear and concise list of my expectations, and when
these were met, I rewarded her with a hike and overnight camping trip I
knew she wanted.

5.      What’s the best thing about being dominant, outside of play?

The self control and detachment allow you to see methods to achieve
objectives outside the norms.  It allows us to control ourselves over a
long term much better than the average.  In business we are generally
known as being rock solid.

6.      What’s the worst thing about being dominant, outside of play?

Sometimes it would be nice to let go and be irresponsible, but this is
not in the cards for one who must stay in control to stabilize others.

7.      In your most significant relationship(s), do you or did you have a contract?

I have had contracts in relationships which were specifically D/s.  In
my current relationship, the relationship occurred organically and is
still evolving, so in the current context a contract is not desirable,
as it would hamper the evolution of the relationship as well as the
personal development of my current partner.

8.      How many collars have you given in your life?  What are your requirements for giving a collar?

I have given two collars in my life, and the requirement is a negotiated
contract, which the collar represents.  Should the contract terms be
broken, a serious discussion will ensue, which may end with a
punishment, renegotiated contract, or termination of the relationship in
extreme situations.

9.      What is the quality you find hardest to deal with in a submissive, on a personal level?

Dishonesty.  It is impossible to help a submissive to grow if they will
not be honest with themselves, their Dom, or others in their

10.   Do you have close friends of your own orientation?  How many of your close friends share your orientation and gender?

No.  None of my close circle (in real space) are dominants.  I know
several online and over the phone, but our interactions are a bit
reserved.  Note that this is chance and not by design.

11.   Are there parts of a submissive or slave’s life that you feel a dominant shouldn’t exert influence over?

Free will.  Without this, the relationship can be neither safe, sane,
nor consensual.

12.   Do you feel personally that you were born a dominant or did circumstances in your life make you dominant?

Nature or nurture…  this is always the question, isn’t it?  I have
always had a different perspective, but the circumstances of my life
narrowed the options considerably.

13.   Are there other members of your family who are also involved, to your knowledge?

Several of my extended family are, each in their own way.

14.   Have you had relationships which evolved from vanilla to kinky?


15.   How many people in your social circle, if any, are aware of your lifestyle?

None, other than a couple online acquaintances.

16.   Do you, or would you, have intimate vanilla relationships as well as kinky ones?

Each relationship has it’s own needs.  These must be taken into account
when deciding how to proceed.  I have had multiple relationships at the
same time ranging from vanilla to what most would consider very kinky.

17.   Do you have rituals and protocols that you require your submissive(s) to follow?

Yes, but these vary according to the nature and needs of the person and

18.   Have you ever had a significant online D/s relationship?

Not one which I would consider significant in terms of either scope or

19. Do you have a safeword in your current relationship(s), or have you had one in the past? In what situations, if any, are a safeword not needed? Does a safeword count outside of play, and if so, are there circumstances in which you could foresee not heeding it, in that situation?

Safe words are generally not needed outside of scenes unless the D/s play is 24/7 lifestyle. Yes, we currently do have a safe word. All relationships which push the envelope require one in my book. When a safe word is used, the scene must come to a screeching halt. Within this context, safe words do not count outside of play, nor would they be ignored.  The only situation I could see not heeding a safe word is where there is an immediate threat to health or safety.

Note: in the past, a sub challenged the need for a safe word, as she saw that no situation she could think of would merit one. She was being an “uber pain slut” and challenging authority. Wolf’s answer was “Fine. Chainsaw play, no safe word.” The sub changed her mind.


12 thoughts on “A little questionaire

  1. Oh, interesting responses, Word Wytch! I’m so glad you and your Sir decided to play!

    I love the one about his first dominant experience! How fascinating.


    1. Wordwytch

      Wolf hmmmed and hawwwed at first, but then walked out of his office and said…”You have an email in your box”. Poof! There were his Q&A’s. I’m glad he decided to play.

      I found the 1st Dom experience interesting too, as I know who the person is, although I’ve never met her.

  2. vanillamom

    How completely “Wolf”…I could hear his voice speaking thoughtfully…the measured tone of the words…what a delightful peek into the head of a dominant Man. Someday we need to meet IRL…seriously, for real. 🙂 No phone chat will replace the hugs I need to give you both!



    1. Wordwytch

      Yes, it most certainly is Wolf. 🙂 I forgot that you two have talked on the phone, so you could “hear” him.

      We will have to work out a meeting. 🙂 We both owe hugs. 🙂

  3. It’s been really interesting to see the questions answered from other perspectives, too. I’ve really enjoyed that.

    I’ve also liked having those “subjects” all laid out. I may have to try something like this again, the series of questions, simply because I also think it’s really interesting to have a number of different answers to the same questions, across a spectrum of experience levels and orientations.

    Thanks for posting, and thanks to Wolf for answering.

    1. Wordwytch

      I have enjoyed both sets of questions. Thank you for posting them, and I will pass on your thanks to Wolf. I have to admit I frequently pick his brain when I write, and the different perspectives that these questions have brought forth help the writing process. One of those “yes, I’m on the right track” sort of things.

    1. Wordwytch

      LOL! We have a chainsaw too, but I wasn’t the one who challenged the safe word issue.

      Glad you liked the post. I found it interesting too, as he wouldn’t let me see them until he was finished.

  4. quiltraveler

    That was so fascinating to read. The words just ooze control and responsibility. Thanks to you and Wolf for sharing that insight.

    The chainsaw remark- priceless.

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