Flash Fiction Friday Tangled Vines.. um… Webs…

window

The things I do for a story! I dressed up. How often do you see ME in a dress? With heels no less? Betsy drew a cross on my left foot for luck with the hopes that I wouldn’t trip and kill myself on those 5 inch stilettos.

Then there’s the guy I”m interviewing. He’s a big time health nut who’s into computers and goes by the nickname of Advizor the Frustrated. He runs this online writer’s magazine. Did I mention that most of the stories are porn? Yeah… How does this guy or any of these people have time to write this stuff? It’s good stuff, but geeze!

I arrived with five minutes to spare. The house is nice, what you can see of it. There’s sycamore vine everywhere. “Hi! I’m here to interview you for the Journal.”

“Come on it.” He led me to a very nice living room with a gorgeous view. The chair I sat in was rock hard, and it was difficult to keep my dress hem down. We chatted about inane things for a few minutes like the weather and then I started asking the big ticket questions. It was difficult to concentrate, as I felt like he was mentally undressing me. Worse yet,… I liked it!

“How did you get started with online publishing?”

“By default. I saw a need and stepped up to the plate. People like to write and read erotica. I already had this bevy of writers available. All I really needed to do was give them some motivation.”

“That’s how Flash Fiction Friday got started?”

“Oh no. I’m not sure who actually started it, but I am the latest sponsor. Each week, writers check in to see what’s expected, and I supply the prompts.” He smiled, like he was handing out candy at Halloween.

There was a knock at the door.

“Excuse me, I’m expecting one of my writers and she must be early.”

“One of your erotic writers?”

“Yes. She’s very creative and hasn’t missed an edition in over a year. Would you like to meet her?”

“Yeah, that’d be interesting.” I waited. The door was partially open, and I could hear voices. I realized I recognized the woman’s voice. “Mom?” I peeked out the door. Silver hair, flannel shirt, jeans and hiking boots. It was Mom! I had to escape!

Looking around, I saw the picture window. Walking over, I saw it was only four feet to the ground. I opened the window and tried to climb out. That damn sycamore vine should have been called a Stick-You-More vine. Vicious thing. I tried going out feet first to avoid that vine molesting my virtue. To my great embarrassment, I got half way out when they walked into the room. I locked eyes with my mom.

“Why dear, what on earth are you doing here?” She smiled.

“Um… Hi Mom.”

“That outfit’s a little more revealing than you normally wear,” she laughed.

“Mom!”

“Oh Advizor, I think I will have a story after all.”

I watched as my mom kissed Advizor on the cheek and then left. Then Advizor walked over to me.

“Care for a hand in so we can finish our interview?”

All I could do is blush as I tried to cover my dignity as he helped me back into the room.

~*~*~*~

Our dear Advizor was very tricksy this week. Our key word was Escape. The word limit was a conundrum of mathematical formulas. The word limit could be… Your age x 4, or your weight x 3, or your house number /2 or the sum of the digits in your SSN x 6. We did not have to tell which one we used.

For extra Credit we could give the vine an ominous sounding name. For bonus words, we were to send me a picture of your left foot wearing your favorite shoe. (yet he never said how many bonus words that would be…

So, I mixed things up a bit. I multiplied my age by Wolf’s weight, subtracted the last four of my SSN, subtracted the absolute value of the square root of my zip code expressed as an integer, and tacked on a few extra words because I mentioned my favorite footwear. I also gave the vine at least a bad reputation. 🙂

Come join us! Or, at least visit Advizor’s blog and see who else has played along this week. Hopefully none of them were as bratty as I was this week. 😛

17 thoughts on “Flash Fiction Friday Tangled Vines.. um… Webs…

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  1. OH MY GOSH WOMAN!!! You crack me up!!! Not only is it a funny story, “MOM?”, but my ego, among other things, swells at the thought of being in your story. You are too wonderful!

    1. LOL! Oh I am so glad you enjoyed my tongue in cheek tale. 🙂 I read it to Wolf last night and he was laughing tears. And you know, this isn’t the first time I’ve put you in a story. Not as Advizor, but you were the catalyst. 🙂

    1. No, not my mother… I”m the Mom in the story. the gal with her ass hanging out the window would be my daughter. 🙂 And yes, I have two. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed the story.

  2. Now, it makes me wonder if you’d actually imagine one of your daughters doing this, since I’m sure that you probably had one of their faces in your thoughts when you were writing it. I wonder what they’d say about Mom using them as inspiration for your writing. 😛

    1. Yes, I did imagine my daughters faces. I have two, and both know about my erotic writing. As for them knowing I use them as inspiration… They know. In fact, one has threatened to get me a teeshirt that says…”Fair Warning! Anything said or done in my presence is fodder for my next novel.”And no one is safe, not even my Internet friends. 🙂 Advizor, and three others have been in my stories. 🙂

      1. I’m going to have to start reading your stories more closely, make sure you get the details right….. “as she struggled to wrap her hands around his enormous…. ” stuff like that. LOL

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